M’s Review
9/11/2023
Why would you quantify a bad time when the qualifiers are so damn funny?
I delicately composed what might be considered the Lunchable “perfect bite” out of the gummified array: an ambitious tower of gummy lunch meat and gummy cheese slices and gummy pepperoni on a gummy cracker, took a clean bite through the layers, and felt sick not too long after. To be fair I think I ate about half of the thing before nausea set in. Every element tasted the same – a monochromatic “sweetness”. I’m pretty sure a pineapple was involved at some point, but to what degree remains unknown. Bonus: I accidentally left some of the gummy cracker slices out overnight and their texture and fragrance remained exactly the same the following day. I suspect that this is a polymer pretending to be a food product.
Theodore’s Review
The familiar shape and texture of these food items invite one to construct a sandwich, perhaps even a double decker of cheese and ham. Surely that is the intended use of such items?
But no!! The gum material is impenetrable, impossible to chew! Who created this monstrosity? Who??
I will find you.
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